Wherever HE Leads Me....: March 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

You Are Now Leaving Disneyland......

Warning: This is a very very very long blog, so if you don't have the time or the patience to read it you may want to stop now.

This past week was Identity week. I didn’t know it was possible to experience so many emotions in one week. To start off let me tell you a little about Disneyland….and I’m not talking about the magical kingdom Disneyland. I’m talking about the Disneyland that’s inside each one of us. The one where we build up these walls and become this fun, enjoyable place for everyone around us. The place filled with people who have expectations of us, our parents, children, siblings, friends, teachers, church, boss, etc. Where we try to be better, to love more, to respect more, we work harder, become funnier, laugh more, cry less, become strong, silent, or whatever it is they want us to do and be. We become Disneyland for them, building walls around who we really are. We make ourselves safe for other people, where they feel comfortable knowing and interacting with us. And somewhere in trying to meet all these expectations, somewhere along the way, we lose ourselves in Disneyland. It’s nice in Disneyland, its fun there. Everyone accepts us and loves us and it’s comfortable. But what happens when we leave Disneyland? Is it still safe? Is it still comfortable? Will all those people who loved us in Disneyland like us when it closes down? When we leave it for good?
If or when I come back a different person will everyone still like the Brittany who’s not in Disneyland anymore? The Brittany who doesn’t worry about everyone else’s expectations? Who only worries about God’s expectations and being who he made me to be. What if I don’t want a job that makes a lot of money? What if I don’t want to stay in one place? What if I want to travel the world? What if I want to be an emotional wreck every now and then? What if not everything is funny and some things really do hurt? What then? Yeah some people might want Disneyland Brittany back, but some people will still love me when Disneyland is just a faint memory. And those are the people I want to be with when their Disneyland is long gone too.
Realizing that you’re in Disneyland is just the start to finding your Identity. I know I have been in Disneyland for a long time. So how do you figure out the first step? How do you open the gate to leave Disneyland? Simple. You take off your mask. Here is mine…….

Who knew a simple mask painting could tell me so much about myself. So I didn’t know what to paint, so I made it purple because it’s my favorite color :) and then I just simply drew a design and put glitter on it. But boy did that say a lot more about me then I thought it would. We each took a turn in the "hot seat" as we like to call it and our teacher would ask us questions and speak truth about the things we had painted that represented us in ways we never could have even imagined. How is it possible that the truth can come out in a simple painting excercise? It was emotional watching each one of my teammates show the "mask" they were hiding behind. But if I thought that was emotional, God had a lot more in store for me.......

So new day, new activity. We had someone trace us on a piece of paper....then we wrote the negative words, names and lies that people in our lives and the enemy have spoken to us on the outside of our body. Then we wrote the good things we saw in ourselves and the good things our teammates spoke over us on the inside of our bodies. We drew a heart and left it blank, for a very special reason. Now we had time to go talk with God. Part of discovering our Identity is discovering who God made us to be and how he sees us. So we had to ask him what he calls us.....not Brittany, because there are a million Brittanys in the world. But a name that sets me apart from all the other Brittanys. A name that God calls me specifically. I found that answer came rather quickly and easily. It's not a name that I would describe myself as, or ever even have thought. At first I didn't think I heard right, this couldn't be the name he calls me, could it? But over and over again he said "Yes, this is you. You are Brittany MY Sunshine."

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. " -Matthew 5:16

As our teacher said he likes to think about it as, the one who walks in the light. And this is a verse my teammate got for me.

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said "wake up, o sleeper rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." -Ephesians 5:13-14

And with our new names, God healed us. A story started it all.....Matthew 12:9-13. The story of the withered hand. And with the story came the "hot seat" again, where we came to our knees and asked God for one thing we needed in our life. Where we stuck out our withered hand for everyone to see and let God heal it. And it was heartbreaking and emotional to hear what some of my teammates needed healing for. But it connected us and tied us together so much tighter than before. And as surprised as I was by my name......I was just as surprised at what I needed healing from. Something God stirred in me that I never even knew I had kept in there. Hidden so deep I didn't even notice it anymore. And how well the withered hand story fit into my life.....cause I needed healing from the pain, hurt and rejection I felt from hands, not one but two. My own. My own two sweating hands that have been the source of so many hurtful words, looks, reactions and rejections. So bad and hurtful that I learned to hide them, make jokes before anyone else could and to apologize before anyone could say anything. My two hands that God made, that for some reason wasn't okay or normal to this World. And what I received was truth. Truth spoken into me from my leaders, from God and my teammates. Who cares if it isn't normal to this World, I wasn't made for this World. I was made for the Kingdom of God. So the healing is a process but it's the best start I could have ever asked for.

And so I got to make a new mask, for a new me. That mask is gone, and the new one looks a little bit like sunshine :)

Well there is only one more thing......A prayer request. Tomorrow we are going for our community stays. We each have a partner on our team and are going into one of two communities to stay in a child headed household* until Sunday. We get to experience real community life. No running water, maybe no electricity, pap everyday, and bowl baths. So pray for us as we go. Pray that we can impact the children as they impact us. Pray for protection and new light into what is really happening in the communities we are working with. Pray that God will open our eyes to see what he wants us to see. I will have so much to catch ya'll up on when I get back. So stay tuned.

*A child headed household is where the parents have died and the children are supporting themselves. So the oldest sibling is responsible for taking care of the other children, orphans raising orphans.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

It's been awhile.....

So exactly a month from yesterday we leave for outreach. I am really excited to experience other parts of Africa and even another part of South Africa. Last week was outreach prep week and we learned a lot about the places we are going. For instance in Zambia we are working with a mission organization called Good News II Ministry. We will be in Mpulungu, Zambia, right on Lake Tanganyika. While we are there we will get to work with the school the orphans go to, help with prison ministry, go to the communites around the lake, teach adult literacy and help with a youth camp. Monday's are days of fasting, no lunch and no dinner. Some of my teammates are pretty worried about it, I'm not so much worried about the no food as I am how grumpy I am going to get. Because lets be honest, without food I can get a little cranky. But I know that I can do it. So as we

were preparing for outreach we had a lot of team bonding time. Which included going to this amazing waterfall that is about 20 minutes away. I have never seen a waterfall before so I loved it! The even better news is that while we are in Zambia we are going to get to go to Victoria Falls, the biggest waterfall in either the World or Africa, I'm not sure which but either way it's gonna be awesome. As far as Johannesburg goes, I have no clue who we will be working with. I know it's a dutch reform church but that's all I know for now.

Wednesday of this week was the first day of our newest feeding program. It will be in

Mbonsweni every Wednesday from now on at the church. It was a big celebration that included face painting, games, water balloons, a mural of the children's hands and of course food for the children. I think celebration is a good word to use because we are feeding more children who may not be getting food but once or twice or even never during the week. The meal was big this week too....it included pap (pronounced pop), minced meat, cabbage, potatoes, and cranberry sauce. The children had a chance to just be kids for once. They were laughing, smiling and playing as if they had no cares in the world. And I loved it.
This week was about finding our Identity, not just our own but our Identity in Christ. It was an emotionally hard week but so awesome! The full story of Identity week will be in my blog sometime within the next two days. :) So stay tuned.